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Sobek's Digest

May 14, 2012

The True ‘Islamic’ Wife

belly

I must say I wrote this a while ago and was very apologetic to different views on the Quran, but it is a matter of opinion.

I must have been seventeen when my friend gave me Islamic advice on marriage. It was a book called “How to Win the Heart of Your Husband” although I can’t remember the author. I was excited when I first read it, hoping to get Islamic advice on how to have a good marriage. What I read was the most far fetching, dubious and the most ridiculous and ludicrous piece of work that I have ever read. It left me in bouts of laughing hysteria, tears of bafflement and above all, a great amount of spiritual conflict. Previously being Sunni, of course I was interested in the women’s obligations in the Sunna, but what I read was something that made me sick to my stomach. This author (and many others I might add, of similar books) had twisted the whole concept of compassionate wifely obedience (in apologetic religious terms) into disgusting subjugation, oppression and marital horror. Most of its marital advice stemmed from hadiths and traditional teachings of the Quran. What I read here was the torture and subservience of a slave. To put it bluntly, women according to this conservative author were not to have any say or any sort of authority or opinions with their husbands and were to be there in dutiful silence. Much like a miraculous walking vagina.

The first issue I will start with is sex in the marriage bed. After quoting numerous sex hadith manuals on how to mount your wife, (do you really need instructions? Sexual Education in High school is good enough) I came across one that particularly caught my eye. “When a woman spends the night away from the bed of her husband, the angels curse her until morning”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. Now of course much research has been done into the issue and I am pretty sure this is the main hadith that prevent wives from refusing their husband’s sex.

Apparently not being in the mood is not a valid reason to refuse sex and so just because your husband didn’t get ‘any’ for a few nights because you were pissed or tired, Allah is apparently petty enough to order some angels to curse you till kingdom come. Well does a husband get cursed for refusing his wife sex? Women have just as much rights to enjoy sex in the marriage bed and are not 24/7 incubators for a men to dip their wicks. I am sure no matter how engorged his penis is, he will live. Another similar hadith to go along with this one is depriving women the right to be able to enjoy marital sex, “When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire, she must go to him even if she is occupied with the oven”. [At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa'i]. What about her desire? It is very selfish of a man to call a wife for his sexual pleasure while she is making food most likely for her children, just so that he doesn’t cream up his pants. For goodness sake, act like a real man.  I don’t think I need to say this, but any civilized and respectful person would know that sex in the marriage bed is mutual, consensual and both are to enjoy it. But I am not here to give sex advice.

So after skimming through the sexual obligations, which unsurprisingly did not mention a woman’s right to enjoy sexual intercourse with her husband, I went to wifely obligations. So at first hand they talked about religious duties and I got smacked in the face with this: “It is not lawful for a woman to observe (voluntary) fasting without the permission of her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission.”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. That particular hadith made me snort, but is an example of women subjugation even when it comes to serving God!

Now we are well aware with the problems and contradictions as well as validity surrounding hadith (and Quran), but from the Quran it is made clear that shirk is the most unforgiveable sin. We all know it. The Sunna make noise about it all the time (usually to attack people) and make shirk out of the stupidest things from voting, putting up posters, to simply sending a smiley to someone on msn (yes even that). I will remind people that shirk according to Muslims is ONLY ascribing partners to Allah and worshipping something along with Allah, making it seem as great as he. Not hard to grasp, but as usual Muslims wish to make things more complicated and out of sexual repression and frustration, make wars on the msn smiley face (poor little guy). I think I have made my point, shirk is the most unforgiveable sin in Quran and even in the questionable concepts of shirk in hadith. However with their woman subjugation comes more shirk in the following hadith: “If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband”. [At-Tirmidhi] Firstly, ordering women to bow to men like they are gods when most of them are in fact pigs (good men the exception) is not only misogyny, subjugation and a form of involuntary slavery, but is SHIRK. It is idolatry even if it is metaphorical. Women are not commanded to bow down to their husbands, merely obey the righteous men that bring in the money and take care of them. I sort of wish Tirmidhi said something a bit more interesting like, bow down before KFC (whatever ancient KFC was called back then.) But I will make it clear; men and women are to bow down to no one but ALLAH as the Quran commands (yet their sunnah making it a massive contradiction in itself).

Finally skipping through another load of bullshit, I came to women in the afterlife as narrated: “Whenever a woman harms her husband in this world (that is without any due right), his wife among the (Houris in Jannah) says: `You must not harm him. May Allah destroy you! He is only a passing guest with you and is about to leave you to come to us”. [At-Tirmidhi]. What about men who harm their wives (as we have seen in the Islamic world it is a big problem)? Does she get to flip him off with a group of sexy men? For some reason partners for women aren’t mentioned in the hadiths. Firstly spouses die hating each other all the time, that doesn’t mean they were unrighteous people or that it is always the woman’s fault. My point here is that this hadith is again to make women subjugated to their husbands with the fear of been humiliated in paradise (which is strange because apparently it is a place of no anguish or grievance) and yet again it only refers to the woman. Because honestly what sort of woman would agree to beauty in return for watching her husband shag 72 prostitutes in the afterlife in alcohol induced orgies?

So this is the first part on that stupid book with the opinions on the common hadiths known. Next time I will elaborate more with the hadiths and traditional views of the Quran that most people don’t know and are kept hidden. These hadiths and traditional views on Quran are the cause for wife beating and ill treatment in households as well as women been treated like animals and walking vaginas.



About the Author

Pakistani Feminist
Pakistani feminist with a love for astronomy, writing, philosophy and debating Islamic social concepts. I love the work of Thomas Paine.




 
 

 
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27 Comments


  1. mohamed isni

    dear sister…just go through this………………………………………….
    As a wife: (picked from a book).
    The Qur’an clearly indicates that marriage is sharing between the two. halves of the society, and that its objectives, beside perpetuating human life, are emotional well-being and spiritual harmony. Its bases are love and mercy. Among the most impressive verses in the Qur’an about marriage is the following.
    “And among His signs is this: That He created mates for you from.
    yourselves that you may find rest, peace of mind in them, and He.
    ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, herein indeed are signs.
    for people who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:2 1).
    According to Islamic Law, women cannot be forced to marry anyone.
    without their consent.
    Ibn Abbas reported that a girl came to the Messenger of God, Muhammad.
    (P.), and she reported that her father had forced her to marry without her.
    consent. The Messenger of God gave her the choice… (between
    accepting the marriage or invalidating it). (Ibn Hanbal No. 2469). In
    another version, the girl said: “Actually I accept this marriage but I wanted.
    to let women know that parents have no right (to force a husband on.
    them)” (Ibn Maja, No. 1873).
    Besides all other provisions for her protection at the time of marriage, it.
    was specifically decreed that woman has the full right to her Mahr, a.
    marriage gift, which is presented to her by her husband and is included in.
    the nuptial contract, and that such ownership does not transfer to her father or husband. The concept of Mahr in Islam is neither an actual or symbolic price for the woman, as was the case in certain cultures, but rather it is a gift symbolizing love and affection.
    The rules for married life in Islam are clear and in harmony with upright.
    human nature. In consideration of the physiological and psychological.
    make-up of man and woman, both have equal rights and claims on one.
    another, except for one responsibility, that of leadership. This is a matter.
    which is natural in any collective life and which is consistent with the.
    nature of man.(nature of Islamic duties in applying equally to males and females unless special exemptions are specified.)
    The Qur’an thus states:
    “And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them,
    and men are a degree above them.” (Qur’an 2:228).
    Such degree is Quiwama (maintenance and protection). This refers to that.
    natural difference between the sexes which entitles the weaker sex to.
    protection. It implies no superiority or advantage before the law. Yet,
    man’s role of leadership in relation to his family does not mean the.
    husband’s dictatorship over his wife. Islam emphasizes the importance of.
    taking counsel and mutual agreement in family decisions. The Qur’an gives.
    us an example:
    “…If they (husband wife) desire to wean the child by mutual consent.
    and (after) consultation, there is no blame on them…” (Qur’an 2:
    233).
    Over and above her basic rights as a wife comes the right which is.
    emphasized by the Qur’an and is strongly recommended by the Prophet.
    (P); kind treatment and companionship.
    The Qur’an states:
    “…But consort with them in kindness, for if you hate them it may.
    happen that you hate a thing wherein God has placed much good.”
    (Qur’an 4: l9).
    Prophet Muhammad. (P) said:
    The best of you is the best to his family and I am the best among you.
    to my family.
    The most perfect believers are the best in conduct and best of you.
    are those who are best to their wives. (Ibn-Hanbal, No. 7396)
    Behold, many women came to Muhammad’s wives complaining.
    against their husbands (because they beat them) – – those (husbands).
    are not the best of you.
    As the woman’s right to decide about her marriage is recognized, so also.
    her right to seek an end for an unsuccessful marriage is recognized. To
    provide for the stability of the family, however, and in order to protect it.
    from hasty decisions under temporary emotional stress, certain steps and.
    waiting periods should be observed by men and women seeking divorce.
    Considering the relatively more emotional nature of women, a good reason.
    for asking for divorce should be brought before the judge. Like the man,
    however, the woman can divorce her husband with out resorting to the.
    court, if the nuptial contract allows that.
    More specifically, some aspects of Islamic Law concerning marriage and.
    divorce are interesting and are worthy of separate treatment.
    When the continuation of the marriage relationship is impossible for any.
    reason, men are still taught to seek a gracious end for it.
    The Qur’an states about such cases:
    When you divorce women, and they reach their prescribed term,
    then retain them in kindness and retain them not for injury so that.
    you transgress (the limits). (Qur’an 2:231). (See also Qur’an 2:229.
    and 33:49).

    so you may have got the point that the wife & husbund are equal every sexual demands…. you have to understand something that the quran is not for only men, it is for all humanity.the commands of quran which addressing male is not only for male, the commands are same to both of gender. but some of places it’s specifically address women.

    “If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband”. [At-Tirmidhi] This Hadith you have posted up shows the unique importance of the wife’s obedience to her husband within her capacity and as long as he does not order her to disobey Allah. if prophet suggest to prostrate he could have ordered….

    islam gives equality to women in various aspect…… if u need to know give your email id ill post…. thank you sister. yahdeenakumullah!


    • Sigh, even the “nice” parts in those posts are misogynistic crap, as if women needs to be “looked after”.

      “Behold, many women came to Muhammad’s wives complaining.
      against their husbands (because they beat them) – – those (husbands).
      are not the best of you.”

      That’s rubbish – Muhammad is actually talking about the WIVES, not husbands, i.e. wives who complain about their husbands aren’t best amongst them. Quote the full hadith:

      “Iyas Dhubab reported the apostle of Allah as saying: “Do not beat Allah’s handmaidens”, but when Umar came to the apostle of Allah and said: “Women have become emboldened towards their husbands”, he (the prophet), gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the apostle of Allah complaining against their husbands. So the apostle of Allah said, “Many women have gone round Muhammad’s family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you”. (Abu Dawud)


      • peace

        lol Mr nathan u need learn a it about arabic “They are not the best among you” refers to husbands not wives see abu dawood vol 2 page 638 ..plz read books instead of copying from wikiislam lolllllllllllllll


        • Jabir b. Abdullah ( Allah be pleased with them ) reported: Abu Bakr ( Allah be pleased with him ) came and sought permission to see Allah’s Messenger ( may be peace upon him ). He found people sitting on the floor at his door and none amongst them had been granted permission and it was granted to him, and he found Allah’s apostles ( may peace be upon him ) sitting sad and silent with his wives around him. He ( Hadrat ‘Umar ) said: Messenger of Allah, I wish you had seen ( the treatment meted out to ) the daughter of Khadijah when you asked me some money, and I got up and slapped her on the neck. Allah’s Messenger ( may peace be upon him ) laughed and said: They are around me as you see, asking for extra money. Abu Bakr ( Allah be pleased with him )then got up and went to Aisha ( Allah be pleased with her ) and slapped her on the neck, and Umar stood before Hafsa and slapped her saying: You ask Allah’s messenger ( may peace be upon him ) for anything he does not possess. Then he withdrew from them for a month or for twenty-nine days. This verse was revealed to him: “Prophet say to thy wives…for a mighty reward”. He then went first to Aisha ( Allah be pleased with her ) and said: I want to propound something to you, Aisha, but wish no hasty reply before you consult your parents. She said: Messenger of Allah, what is that? He said ( the Holy Prophet ) recited to her the verse, whereupon she said: Is it about you that I should consult my parents, Messenger of Allah? Nay, I choose Allah, His Messenger, and the Last Abode, but I ask you not to tell any of your wives what I have replied: Not one of them will ask me without my informing her. God did not send me to be harsh, or cause harm, but he sent me to teach and make things easy.Narrated Mu’awiyah al-Qushayri:I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abu Dhubab: Iyas Ibn Abdullah Ibn Abu Dhubab reported the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: Do not beat Allah’s handmaidens, but when Umar came to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and said: Women have become emboldened towards their husbands, he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) complaining against their husbands. So the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: Many women have gone round Muhammad’s family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you. Narrated Umar Ibn Al-Khattab: The Prophet ( peace be upon him ) said: A man will not be asked as to why he beat his wife.
          Abu Dawud 11:2139-2142


    • Sobek

      Salaam Mohamed

      I am well aware the Quran says some pretty things about women, but that doesn’t explain the other misogynistic views. These passages are also ambiguous and can be viewed in different ways. I know reformer Muslims see things different and don’t beliebe in hadith or wife beating, but at the end of the day-they still are sexist one way or another. Your also only quoting pretty hadith ignoring the hadith where Muhammad said women were pigs,donkeys and dogs, where he ordained wife beating, said women are deficient in intelligence and religion because of their periods, stoned women to death and married a child. There is also some hadith of him supporting genital mutilation (its authenticity is in dispute) and others saying that women are bad omens and that women are an affliction to men. Basically it makes Islam seem like a big contradiction.


      • mohamed isni

        dear sister…, i can understand whatever i said you wont come to a clear conclution….. i would like to ask you, if this islam is this much cruel to women why most of the women convert to islam you earlier mentioned in your comment ” I stand up for all women, my main focus is on the women in the Middle East. I would like to travel there as a nurse medic one day and help them step up for their rights.”
        i’ll give you the fates someothers going to achieve this same goal…. this is a part of story…..(link is given below) ………….. “””Well, back to the story. The computer printout held one enormous surprise for me. I was registered for a Theatre class…a class were I would be required to perform in front of real live people. I was horrified! I could not even ask a question in class, how was I going to get on a stage in front of people? My husband was his usual very calm and sensible self. He suggested that I talk to the teacher, explain the problem, and arrange to paint scenery or sew costumes. The teacher agreed to try and find a way to help me out. So I went to class the following Tuesday.

        When I entered the classroom, I received my second shock. The class was full of ‘Arabs’ and ‘camel jockeys’. Well, I had never seen one but I had heard of them.

        There was no way I was going to sit in a room full of dirty heathens! After all, you could catch some dreadful disease from those people. Everyone knew they were dirty, not to be trusted either. I shut the door and went home. (Now, there is one little thing you should know. I had on a pair of leather hot pants, a halter top, and a glass of wine in my hands…but they were the bad ones in my mind.)

        When I told my husband about the Arabs in the class and that there was no way I was going back, he responded in his usual calm way. He reminded that I was always claiming that God had a reason for everything and maybe I should spend some time thinking about it before I made my final decision. He also reminded me that I had a scholars award that was paying my tuition and if I wanted to keep it, I would have to maintain my G.P.A.. Three credit hours or ‘F’ would have destroyed my chances.

        For the next two days, I prayed for guidance. On Thursday I went back to the class convinced that God had put me there to save those poor ignorant heathens from the fires of hell…….. http://www.islamfortoday.com/aminahassilmi1.htm & answer why this islamifications is happening around the world.. i’ll give you more….

        Hana Tajima, 23, fashion designer

        Hana Tajima converted to Islam when she was 17. Frustrated by the lack of variety in Islamic clothing for converts she founded Maysaa, a fashion house that designs western-inspired clothing that conforms to hijab.

        “It’s true that I never decided to convert to Islam, nor was there a defining moment where I realised I wanted to be Muslim. My family aren’t particularly religious. I was interested in religion, but very disinterested in how it related to my life. I grew up in rural Devon where my Japanese father was the ethnic diversity of the village. It wasn’t until I studied at college that I met people who weren’t of the exact same background, into Jeff Buckley, underground hip-hop, drinking, and getting high. I met and became friends with a few Muslims in college, and was slightly affronted and curious at their lack of wanting to go out to clubs or socialise in that sense. I think it was just the shock of it, like, how can you not want to go out, in this day and age.

        “It was at about that time that I started to study philosophy, and without sounding too much like I dyed my hair black and wore my fringe in front of my face, I began to get confused about my life. I was pretty popular, had good friends, boyfriends, I had everything I was supposed to have, but still I felt like ‘is that it?’ So these things all happened simultaneously, I read more about religion, learned more about friends of other backgrounds, had a quarter life crisis. There were things that drew me to Islam in particular, it wasn’t like I was reaching for whatever was there. The fact that the Qur’an is the same now as it ever was means there’s always a reference point. The issues of women’s rights were shockingly contemporary. The more I read, the more I found myself agreeing with the ideas behind it and I could see why Islam coloured the lives of my Muslim friends. It made sense, really, I didn’t and still don’t want to be Muslim, but there came a point where I couldn’t say that I wasn’t Muslim.

        “Telling my family was the easy part. I knew they’d be happy as long as I was happy, and they could see that it was an incredibly positive thing. My friends went one of two ways, met with a lack of any reaction and lost to the social scene, or interested and supportive. More the former, less the latter.”

        Denise Horsley, 26, dance teacher

        Denise Horsley lives in North London. She converted to Islam last year and is planning to marry her Muslim boyfriend next year.

        “I was introduced to Islam by my boyfriend Naushad. A lot of people ask whether I converted because of him but actually he had nothing to do with it. I was interested in his faith but I went on my own journey to discover more about religion.

        “I bought loads of books on all the different religions but I kept coming back to Islam – there was something about it that just made sense, it seemed to answer all the questions I had.

        “I would spend hours in the library at Regents Park Mosque reading up on everything from women’s rights to food. Before I went to prayers for the first time I remember sitting in my car frantically looking up how to pray on my Blackberry. I was so sure people would know straight away that I wasn’t a Muslim but if they did no-one seemed to care.

        “During Ramadan I’d sit and listen to the Qur’anic recitations and would be filled with such happiness and warmth. One day I decided there and then to take my shahada. I walked down to the reception and said I was ready to convert, it was as simple as that.

        “My friends and family were rather shocked, I think they expected there would be some sort of huge baptism ceremony but they were very supportive of my decision. I think they were just pleased to see me happy and caring about something so passionately.

        “I grew up Christian and went to a Catholic school. Islam to me seemed to be a natural extension of Christianity. The Qur’an is filled with information about Jesus, Mary, the angels and the Torah. It’s part of a natural transition.

        “I do now wear a headscarf but it wasn’t something I adopted straightaway. Hijab is such an important concept in Islam but it’s not just about clothing. It’s about being modest in everything you do. I started dressing more modestly – forgoing low cut tops and short skirts – but before I donned a headscarf I had to make sure I was comfortable on the inside before turning my attention to the outside. Now I feel completely protected in my headscarf. People treat you with a new level of respect, they judge you by your words and your deeds, not how you look. It’s the kind of respect every dad wants for their daughter.

        “There have been some problems. Immediately after converting I isolated myself a bit, which I now recognise was a mistake and not what Islam teaches. I remember a lady on a bus who got really angry and abusive when she found out I had converted. I also noticed quite a few friends stopped calling. I think they just got tired of hearing me say no – no to going clubbing, no to going down the pub.

        “But my good friends embraced it. They simply found other things to do when I was around. Ultimately I’m still exactly the same person apart from the fact that I don’t drink, don’t eat pork and pray five times a day. Other than that I’m still Denise.”

        Paul Martin, 27

        Paul Martin was just a student when he decided to convert to Islam in an ice-cream shop in Manchester four years ago. Bored of what he saw as the hedonistic lifestyle of many of his friends at university and attracted to what he calls “Islam’s emphasis on seeking knowledge,” he says a one-off meeting with an older Muslim changed his life.

        “I liked the way the Muslims students I knew conducted themselves. It’s nice to think about people having one partner for life and not doing anything harmful to their body. I just preferred the Islamic lifestyle and from there I looked into the Qur’an. I was amazed to see Islam’s big emphasis on science.

        “Then I was introduced by a Muslim friend to a doctor who was a few years older than me. We went for a coffee and then a few weeks later for an ice cream. It was there that I said I would like to be a Muslim. I made my shahada right there, in the ice cream shop. I know some people like to be all formal and do it in a mosque, but for me religion is not a physical thing, it is what is in your heart.

        “I hadn’t been to a mosque before I became a Muslim. Sometimes it can be bit daunting, I mean I don’t really fit into this criteria of a Muslim person. But there is nothing to say you can’t be a British Muslim who wears jeans and a shirt and a jacket. Now in my mosque in Leeds, many different languages are spoken and there are lots of converts.

        “With my family, it was gradual. I didn’t just come home and say I was a Muslim. There was a long process before I converted where I wouldn’t eat pork and I wouldn’t drink. Now, we still have Sunday dinner together, we just buy a joint of lamb that is halal.

        “If someone at college had said to me ‘You are going to be a Muslim’, I would not in a million years have believed it. It would have been too far-fetched. But now I have just come back from Hajj – the pilgrimage Muslims make to Mecca.”

        Stuart Mee, 46

        Stuart Mee is a divorced civil servant who describes himself as a “middle-of-the-road Muslim.” Having converted to Islam last year after talking with Muslim colleagues at work, he says Islam offers him a sense of community he feels is missing in much of Britain today.

        “Everything is so consumer-driven here, there are always adverts pushing you to buy the next thing. I knew there must be something longer term and always admired the sense of contentment within my colleagues’ lives, their sense of peace and calmness. It was just one of those things that happened – we talked, I read books and I related to it.

        “I emailed the Imam at London Central Mosque and effectively had a 15 minute interview with him. It was about making sure that this was the right thing for me, that I was doing it at the right time. He wanted to make sure I was committed. It is a life changing decision.

        “It is surprisingly easy, the process of converting. You do your shahada, which is the declaration of your faith. You say that in front of two witnesses and then you think, ‘What do I do next?’ I went to an Islamic bookstore and bought a child’s book on how to pray. I followed that because, in Islamic terms, I was basically one month old.

        “I went to a local mosque in Reading and expected someone to stop me say, ‘Are you a Muslim?’ but it didn’t happen. It was just automatic acceptance. You can have all the trappings of being a Muslim – the beard and the bits and pieces that go with it, but Islam spreads over such a wide area and people have different styles, clothes and approaches to life.

        “Provided I am working within Islamic values, I see no need in changing my name and I don’t have any intention of doing it. Islam has bought peace, stability, and comfort to my life. It has helped me identify just what is important to me. That can only be a good thing.”

        Khadijah Roebuck, 48

        Khadijah Roebuck was born Tracey Roebuck into a Christian family. She was married for twenty five years and attended church with her children every week while they lived at home. Now, divorced and having practiced Islam for the last six months, she says she is still not sure what motivated her to make such a big change to her life.

        “I know it sounds odd, but one day I was Tracey the Christian and the next day I was Khadijah the Muslim, it just seemed right. The only thing I knew about Muslims before was that they didn’t drink alcohol and they didn’t eat pork.

        “I remember the first time I drove up to the mosque. It was so funny; I was in my sports car and had the music blaring. I wasn’t sure if I was even allowed to go in but I asked to speak to the man in charge, I didn’t even know he was called an Imam. Now I wear a hijab and pray five times a day.

        “My son at first was horrified, he just couldn’t believe it. It’s been especially hard for my mum, who is Roman Catholic and doesn’t accept it at all. But the main thing I feel is a sense of peace, which I never found with the Church, which is interesting. Through Ramadan, I absolutely loved every second. On the last day, I even cried.

        “It is interesting because people sometimes confuse cultures with Islam. Each Muslim brings their different culture to the mosque and different takes on the religion. There are Saudi Arabians, Egyptians and Pakistanis and then of course there is me. I slot in everywhere. A lot of the other sisters say to me, ‘That is why we love you, Khadijah, you are just yourself.'”

        http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.independent.co.uk%2Fnews%2Fuk%2Fhome-news%2Fthe-islamification-of-britain-record-numbers-embrace-muslim-faith-2175178.html%3Ffb_source%3Dtimeline_news%26fb_action_ids%3D320819811322624%26fb_action_types%3Dnews.reads%23access_token%3DAAADWQ6323IoBAOTF8Tdv4x4jJ5SJlQs6rLc0RDpco6lPHg6fZC7yjsYgvMLOvorUvbqz4K1AF32t7UFrWpzAceTYWnDXzSZCmWZCebvNHIOw3Hd6ZBrg%26expires_in%3D6014&h=WAQFMPYHSAQHtkvaZUtmqu7JuQ7Bj4oaocokwf3Fp4eo_aw if you are right its your duty to stop this rubbish isn’t it… so its better you to start from where you live around, & best of luck


        • Again, stop making argument by analogy. What exactly is your point? If I quote ex-muslim testimonies, would you leave Islam? IF not why’re you posting this stuff?

          And some of the ex muslims I know of are far more knowledgeable about Islam than many of those “converts” you have these days.


        • Sobek

          Many people will convert to religion because A. They do not know the whole story behind it and B. They were sick of some problems in their society and because of a lack of education and sexim they convert to another prison. I thought too that Hijab liberated me from the concept of beauty in the west but even the hijab turned out to be misogyny in worse form. Also I would like to remind you that the Quran says there are few believers. Do not pride yourself on quantity only quality. Women may convert for many reasons, but by the time they integrate it is usually about identity. Plus you are just quoting testimonies not examining the blatant mysigony I have pointed out here. Giving me stories of converts does not justify or even answer what is at stake. People find beauty in many different things, As for that last testimony you mentioned about Ramadan-Ramadan is a hypocritcal farce. You sleep all day, gorge yourself at night and don’t get any better. If you do reply please keep on track with the issue at hand though.


          • mohamed isni

            dear sister X….. you said those people convert due to lack of knowledge ….. but in reality it is not true… the people who has lack of knowledge about islam are the people who born as muslim because they never going to find something like truth… but the people who searching truth & following that are well knowledged about islam. you always talk about sex , & sexual abuse… i dont think asking questions relate to sex directly from a woman is correct, but here i have to…… question no 1. do you think if i wish my wife should be most sexiest to me, is wrong????? 2. if i slept with her as her wish or as my wish, is that sexual abuse 3. if i think my wife should be only for me & i should be only for her, that mean that her sexy only for me & my one is for her, is that wrong ????…. i dont know weather you married or not , but that the purpose of marriage is the one which provide accomplishment in sexual desires, sex is a humen need, so you cant say if a couple got married & accomplish theirs need is wrong or sexual abuse….. islam is a religion which provide everything for practicing life. its provides knowledge to perform everything in peace…. you consider mainly about sex, let us see an instance where a woman dress in with two pieces (like in sun bath), do you argue that her son’s friends wont see her sexy or dont get intrest in her, what about her husbands friends, wont they think about her, wont they think about her daughters who are parallel to her in a sun bath, its a human nature, its not their fault. so thats why islam provide some kinds of rules not for only women but both… dressing pattern, sleeping pattern, …etc… to stabilize the family, to keep the harmony, peace among the society….


          • mohamed isni

            sister basically you are a jew (minhagim) but you state you are a muslim in your article (its the 1st lie)… let’s leave it… next you state in your article that the islam subjugate the women then i gave you true fact which was given in islam… next i gave you evidence of peoples & ask you some question. you reply something sugar coated…. you did not point out the real fact … next i gave you how that the islam provides solutions forsocial problems &, natural adaptations….. i have given enough evidences & i know what the purpose of jews appearing like muslims but you wont success in your mission … thank you…


          • mohamed isni

            dear sister you delete my post …… why did you do that??????? i don’t say you are a jew but wikipedia suggest if want to check”””” click this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minhag
            “Minhag (Hebrew: מנהג‎ “custom”, pl. minhagim) is an accepted tradition or group of traditions in Judaism. A related concept, Nusach (נוסח), refers to the traditional order and form of the prayers. The related Arabic منهاج minhāj also means custom or tradition, though not necessarily religious tradition; the similar منهج manhaj means “curriculum” in both academic and non-academic senses.”


          • mohamed isni

            sister its not the correct way. you delete my many posts why??????????? in face book y?


          • Your posts weren’t deleted – it just automatically went away when you got blocked. You were blocked because you just kept spamming your bigoted crap despite her stating MULTIPLE TIMES that she’s not a Jew. You practically begged for it.


          • mohamed isni

            i did not beg any one…. you people try to cover something…. i don’t utter in my facebook comments. i prove it with her profile religious view where she had mentioned, she practicing minhajism…. the wikipedia suggest that the minhajism is an accepted tradition in judaism…. whatever you people did is wrong ,….


          • *Sigh* Dude, it’s a figure of speech, no one said you were LITERALLY begging, that implies that you were asking for it. Where did she mention that she’s a practicing Jew? Provide evidence.


        • Lalettan

          //would like to ask you, if this islam is this much cruel to women why most of the women convert to islam// What would happen to a Muslim(living in an Islamic state) if he or she decides to convert to any other religion?


      • peace

        islam is not a big contradiction Rather u are unable to understand
        the following blog of ours clears the common misconception
        http://www.letmeturnthetables.com/search/label/Misunderstood%20Texts


        • Salaam

          I have read such blogs. I am referring to these hadith and how they blackmail women into unwanted sexual relationships. They also ask women to bow down before men like they are Gods. Using emotional and spiritual blackmail to scare women into sexual intercourse is sanctioning marital rape.


    • Sobek

      “dear sister…just go through this…………………………………………. As a wife: (picked from a book).
      The Qur’an clearly indicates that marriage is sharing between the two.
      halves of the society, and that its objectives, beside perpetuating human life, are emotional well-being and spiritual harmony. Its bases are love and.
      mercy. Among the most impressive verses in the Qur’an about marriage is the following.
      “And among His signs is this: That He created mates for you from.
      yourselves that you may find rest, peace of mind in them, and He.
      ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, herein indeed are signs.
      for people who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:2 1).
      According to Islamic Law, women cannot be forced to marry anyone.
      without their consent.
      Ibn Abbas reported that a girl came to the Messenger of God, Muhammad.
      (P.), and she reported that her father had forced her to marry without her.
      consent. The Messenger of God gave her the choice… (between
      accepting the marriage or invalidating it). (Ibn Hanbal No. 2469). In
      another version, the girl said: “Actually I accept this marriage but I wanted.
      to let women know that parents have no right (to force a husband on.
      them)” (Ibn Maja, No. 1873).”

      To this I will say-have you seen the hadith where Muhammad says a woman’s silence is her consent to marriage? Also while the Quran forbids women to be inherited against their will, I ask you-how can women be inherited? Women are not possessions or property in any shape or form. You will find many ordains by Islamic clerics forbidding a woman to get married without the permission of her family or guardians-as if their opinions mean anything in this matter.

      Besides all other provisions for her protection at the time of marriage, it.
      was specifically decreed that woman has the full right to her Mahr, a.
      marriage gift, which is presented to her by her husband and is included in.
      the nuptial contract, and that such ownership does not transfer to her father or husband. The concept of Mahr in Islam is neither an actual or symbolic price for the woman, as was the case in certain cultures, but rather it is a gift symbolizing love and affection.
      The rules for married life in Islam are clear and in harmony with upright.
      human nature. In consideration of the physiological and psychological.
      make-up of man and woman, both have equal rights and claims on one.
      another, except for one responsibility, that of leadership. This is a matter.
      which is natural in any collective life and which is consistent with the.
      nature of man.(nature of Islamic duties in applying equally to males and females unless special exemptions are specified.)
      Actually the man being the leader is only a social concept. Men being leaders have no biological dispositions. Regardless of gender, things depend on upbringing, genetics and external environment. If you look at various tribes like the American Indians, Aboriginals, the Mauris or some tribes in Africa you will that particular tribes had women as the dominating leaders. Religion is one of the main reasons women were refused the right to lead. I of course acknowledge the forward thinking manner of Islam in making the men pay the dowry and not the woman.

      The Qur’an thus states:
      “And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them,
      and men are a degree above them.” (Qur’an 2:228).
      Such degree is Quiwama (maintenance and protection). This refers to that.
      natural difference between the sexes which entitles the weaker sex to.
      protection.
      Men are in no shape or form above woman because their biological make up makes them so. Women are not the ‘weaker’ sex. That is purely a social and religious concept. Protection is entitled for those who are feeble and need it or want it.
      It implies no superiority or advantage before the law. Yet,
      man’s role of leadership in relation to his family does not mean the.
      husband’s dictatorship over his wife. Islam emphasizes the importance of.
      taking counsel and mutual agreement in family decisions. The Qur’an gives.
      us an example:
      “…If they (husband wife) desire to wean the child by mutual consent.
      and (after) consultation, there is no blame on them…” (Qur’an 2:
      233).

      What about the passage in the Quran that declares the children to be the father’s heirs?

      Over and above her basic rights as a wife comes the right which is.
      emphasized by the Qur’an and is strongly recommended by the Prophet.
      (P); kind treatment and companionship.
      The Qur’an states:
      “…But consort with them in kindness, for if you hate them it may.
      happen that you hate a thing wherein God has placed much good.”
      (Qur’an 4: l9).

      Indeed a beautiful verse, but then you have surah 4:34

      Prophet Muhammad. (P) said:
      The best of you is the best to his family and I am the best among you.
      to my family.
      The most perfect believers are the best in conduct and best of you.
      are those who are best to their wives. (Ibn-Hanbal, No. 7396)
      Behold, many women came to Muhammad’s wives complaining.
      against their husbands (because they beat them) – – those (husbands).
      are not the best of you.
      Really? Because every other hadith translation of that or at least the hadiths that contradict them say ‘THOSE WOMEN ARE NOT THE BEST AMONG YOU’ and it is quoted in Sahih Bukhari which is more valid.

      As the woman’s right to decide about her marriage is recognized, so also.
      her right to seek an end for an unsuccessful marriage is recognized. To
      provide for the stability of the family, however, and in order to protect it.
      from hasty decisions under temporary emotional stress, certain steps and.
      waiting periods should be observed by men and women seeking divorce.
      This concept exists in the West already and lasts one year.

      Considering the relatively more emotional nature of women, a good reason.
      for asking for divorce should be brought before the judge. Like the man,
      however, the woman can divorce her husband with out resorting to the.
      court, if the nuptial contract allows that.

      This is plain sugar coating of the issue. The fact that a woman has to go towards a judge, but a man does not. Emotions are not solely based on gender and psychological studies can attest to that fact ‘Emotional nature of women’ again is a social and religious concept utilized as a powerful social tool to say that women are weak. This is nothing but gender stereotyping.

      More specifically, some aspects of Islamic Law concerning marriage and.
      divorce are interesting and are worthy of separate treatment.
      When the continuation of the marriage relationship is impossible for any.
      reason, men are still taught to seek a gracious end for it.
      The Qur’an states about such cases:
      When you divorce women, and they reach their prescribed term,
      then retain them in kindness and retain them not for injury so that.
      you transgress (the limits). (Qur’an 2:231). (See also Qur’an 2:229.
      and 33:49).

      I recognize this kindness to women the Quran has ordained, but what does it say in Surah Talaq about divorcing little girls?

      so you may have got the point that the wife & husbund are equal every sexual demands…. you have to understand something that the quran is not for only men, it is for all humanity.the commands of quran which addressing male is not only for male, the commands are same to both of gender. but some of places it’s specifically address women.

      I would like to see you quote the sexual obligations of a wife as I have quoted in the post above. Women forced into sexual intercourse with threats of hell.

      “If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband”. [At-Tirmidhi] This Hadith you have posted up shows the unique importance of the wife’s obedience to her husband within her capacity and as long as he does not order her to disobey Allah. if prophet suggest to prostrate he could have ordered….

      This hadith shows that women are to bow to men and that it is their only value and importance. This hadith is nothing beautiful at all.

      islam gives equality to women in various aspect…… if u need to know give your email id ill post…. thank you sister. yahdeenakumullah!
      No it does not. I thank you for your post and if you are wondering I read a lot and have various texts on islam.


      • Sobek

        No they do lack knowledge. People are not told first hand what islam is and not only that they are given sugar coated reasons for why Muhammad did such and such without assessing historical and critical views. Sex and sexual abuse are very important issues hence I talk about them. I am married actually and recently as well. The purpose of marriage is not about sexual fulfilment. It is a purely different concept (religious) which sex falls under as well. I do not see the purpose of you talking about this married life. You may do what you like, the issue is about the way women are treated in the Islamic context of marriage. They are being subjugated and raped because of these hadith. On women wearing bikinis and stuff. Men who would be attracted to them are men who are not use to seeing naked people around. This sort of mentality is purely a social stigma. The more barred you are from viewing sexual things, the easily aroused you become. Look at the tribes in Africa, the American Indians and the Aboriginals. It is the norm to be half naked or fully naked there. In fact our Homo ancestors use to have sex in public and many of these tribes still do today. It is natural to them and there is none of this sexual perversity. Why? Because they have not sexualized the body and hidden it. If you sexualize the body you will be more attracted to it hence you will be more of a pervert. So in your assessment of whether these men would be attracted to another man’s wife. Probably, but it is socially required to be decent so these feelings they will probably keep to themselves and no one will know or they may not feel attracted at all since they are use to seeing naked people. Islam in the traditionalist context provided rules that subjugated women and allowed the men to show off way more. It is not fair. In the reformer view of Islam, Islam is purely only for spiritual guidance and I agree with reformers on this. Muhammad did come here to teach you how to shit, eat, dress and sleep. He came to warn you of the after life, give glad tidings of God and better yourselves. I feel this traditionalist view of Islam about eating, shitting and dressing like Muhammad is in fact a big insult to him and his God. I hope this answers your query but again the article does not address these issues. Read the article again. It is about how women are treated in marriage in an Islamic context. These hadiths pretty much allow men to rape their wives and emotionally blackmail wives into spreading their legs for unwanted sex for fear of hell.


        • Sobek

          No I am not a Jew. False accusations will get you no where. Minhaj is an arabic word for the Path to Allah and its concept is based on psychological theory of accusation. Such bigoted racism will not answer the points made in the article


  2. simple mind of primitive time wanted to condition women to keep them in control. This is prime example.


  3. Kate

    Isni-Minhaj as she stated does mean ‘Path to Allah’ when coupled with more arabic words. But the description about ‘Minhaj’ has nothing to do with Judaism. It appears she has taken the theory of ‘Self Actualization’ and renamed it ‘Minhaj’ which means path. Manhaj is the more common arabic spelling. Her religious views also say she follows ‘reformed theology’ based on this theory of Self Actualization. This has nothing to do with religion or Judaism. This is based on Psychological Science. Therefore she is not a Jew. If she was a Jew her religion would say ‘Judaism’ and her philosophy would be ‘Minhag’ with explanations for Minhag. She has not written anything about that. You are being bigoted and racist by saying she is Jewish when she said she is not and also by implying that Jews have some ulterior motive and some ‘mission’ to decieve Muslims. That is an insult to Jewish people who areby definition your brothers in faith. You worship the same God as the Jews. The God of Abraham. You should apologize for such an accusation. Stalking her facebook makes you seem like a desperate pervert. Lastly I would also say-do not flatter yourself. Jewish people have no reason to spend their time ‘deceiving’ Muslims (for whatever reasons.) As far as I can see, they are too busy working on contributions to science and the free thinking world. They probably sledom think of you lot except when you blow yourselves up.


  4. it is extremely important that we as a Muslim acquire our knowledge from the correct place, because thr r many out in the world who make their own suggestions for their own benefit. but lets not comment on certain things tht which are Words from Allah, bcuz tht requires A LOT of pure knowledge!


  5. Sara Trad

    Well girls I want to say that men take what they want from any hadise and from any part of the holey koran and translate it to what ever or how ever they want. Some might pray 5 times a day and look like they know Islam but they really don't know anything about true relgion.


    • Rahman Abdul

      The bottom line is:
      The Quran gives Muslim men permission to beat their wives for disobedience (Surat 4:34), but NOWHERE does it command love in marriage.

      Insha’Allah (pun intended) more of us will leave that bronze age, primitive superscription and death cult, written by people who knew less about hygiene, bacteria or space, than out elementary school children today.

      For the sake of the future of my sisters… I hope common sense and proper education will prevail.



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